zanthess: (Default)
I now have a Dreamwidth account. You can still follow me on LJ, but if you have a DW account add me to your list and I will do likewise.

Other than that, just nursing a sore back after throwing it out on Sunday.... but don't be alarmed! I was waited on hand and foot by a wonderful BF and am rehabilitating quickly. A second trip to the Crackypracker is scheduled for Friday, so I should be back up to 100% come Monday.

'Ta.
zanthess: (gaming)
Hello once again!

Busy busy here... just barely got my computer able to get online once again. Things have been a bit tumultuous in my living situation as of late.

As a lot of you know, I recently got a job working up in Mountlake Terrace after I had given up trying to find a job up north and moved down with my folks in Kent. A bit late, but welcomed nonetheless as it is much better pay and work compared to what I had at the time. I've since moved up to Wallingford temporarily while I try to find a more permanent place to live. It has been fun living with Eric and I enjoy every moment of it, but I had to leave my kids behind with my folks. Knowing that they are stuck in their cages 24/7 with little interaction really gets to me, but it is only a temporary situation and that makes things bearable... I just apologize profusely whenever I go to see Gidge and Bean and give them all the love I can in such short time.

Work has been pretty amazing thus far. I've caught on fast and am getting along with everyone quite well. They allow personal music devices, so I've been learning just how quickly you can drain an iPhone battery while streaming This American Life.

A lot of other emotional changes have been happening as of late too, some good... a lot.... well... not so good, but in the end it all has ended up being a positive experience and I have grown to be a better person because of it. This whole procession to becoming a "non-married" person has been an amazing journey thus far, and I am excited to see what other roads it takes me down. I still have my married name... just waiting for tax returns to go through and then I am done with it. I will have my old name again, and because of that I've started to go by AJ again as well. Kinda strange the things you yearn for after you pushed them aside so long ago.

Been working on not focusing on how I'm berating myself, and rather reminding myself how I am more than deserving the good things that have happened in my life and how proud of myself I am. It's been a hard battle, and I've slipped back quite a few times, but the new man in my life has been there many a-time to catch me and snap me back into reality. I just keep noticing the stark difference between him and my ex-husband.

I hate to make comparisons, but after living in fear for so long it's crazy to sit back and realize that I don't have to worry about every little thing I do to make sure I am perfect. I always knew that perfection was impossible to achieve, yet I still would continually beat myself up for never reaching it. It's been fun to try, get messy, and make mistakes. What's even more fun is to laugh at it, dust myself off, and try again. I look back and realize just how much I have accomplished in the past 9 months and compared to the past 5 years the difference is staggering. My life feels rich and full, and I don't have to think hard in order to be happy... it just happens.

Things are still tight living-wise, but I've only received one paycheck from my new job so far. I've actually been looking at a couple of houses in Seattle that are up for rent. An old co-worker of mine is living with her mom at the moment and has expressed interest in finding another place to live.

Things are improving, I am happy, and for the first time in my life I feel like I can be proactive instead of reactive in my life. I thought it would be scary at first not having anything pushing me to go one way or another, or not having someone there telling me what to do, but I enjoy poring over the options and deciding what is best for me.

That's a new thing too... deciding things for me and no one else. Sure, I still make decisions that I know will directly affect other people, but that is no longer the sole concern. I don't make decisions based on fear of what others will say or think, but decide to do things for other people because I WANT to. Doesn't mean the nice things I've done for you folks out there was based solely on fear, just a change of perspective I am currently cultivating.

Music continues to be a main part of my life, as is talk radio becoming a stronger presence. I wonder if it's just a factor of getting old that I'd rather listen to people ramble on than what new song so-and-so's band is coming out with.

Oh, did I mention I was finally able to go out all gothed up too? Man.... too many things to talk about. I even danced on my own. I let loose, was wild, and didn't give a crap what other people thought. It even got me a smack on the ass from some random chick while I was leaving the bathroom.

Oh! and I'm now 60+ lbs. lighter than my heaviest weight. I can almost fit into my highschool pants.

I am so badass. It's only going to get even more awesome from here.
zanthess: (Default)
2010 in review

January: Had surgery to see what was going on in my head. No new information discovered.

February: Posted a meme (wow I'm lazy!).

March: Added 'Nilla Bean to the family.

April: Kicked out of my house and left homeless for two weeks, the start of the toughest 8 months of my life.

May: Matilda died and I was forced to drive a Prius for a few weeks.

June: Got off of Zoloft and found my inner power.

July: Began proceedings for my divorce and discovered the SCA.

August: Acquired my new bow Skjótrblakkr, and bought a car, Midori-Ryu.

September: Started a new job at Vaupell.

October: Opened up more and explored my poetic side again.

November: Got a new boyfriend that makes me grin from ear to ear. Finalized my divorce.

December: Continued discovering what makes me happy and content with life. Living it.
zanthess: (sleepy)
So hey, what up?

Been a while, eh?

Seems like I keep saying this. I disappear for so long, and then remember that just posting on Facebook does not constitute keeping my life updated.

Life, as it stands right now, is pretty good. Just small things left and right popping in to aggravate the hell out of me, but now those events that would normally send me into fits of crying and screaming now just get a chuckle and a shrug, or an animated "stomping temper tantrum" for the entertainment of those around me.

I've noticed more and more often that I've become even more forgetful. It really started since my car accident. I mean, I was pretty forgetful to begin with, but it has dramatically increased these past few years.

Before you ask, yes, I'm still taken, and very happy with the fact. It's amazing once you find the right person and barriers you thought impenetrable come crashing down. Still dealing with a lot of both good and bad barriers, but lately it's been mostly good. Some very VERY good, and quite surprising.

I've gone from extreme socialite, to cutting down what I do and who I do it with. I've tried hard to not feel the pangs of guilt by turning down offers to hang out, and come to the full realization that my time truly is MY time. That, and the fact I need to buckle down and prepare to live on my own again. Living with my folks at the moment has been a blessing, but driving to and from work in Ballard and home in Kent really kills my wallet in gas. Eric has been amazing in letting me spend the night at his place often during the week to save on gas, but my pets are lacking in the love and attention I use to lavish upon them.

I have found one place that's two bedrooms for $950 a month. Talking with a coworker/friend to see if she's interested in moving there together. This won't happen until after Christmas, but it's still a small step forward.

Other than that, just taking small bits of time here and there to rediscover and rebuild myself. Finding songs that once embarassed me to to play around others I now relish in sharing my insanity with them. I've even put bells on my shoes this year. A small percentage of the time I have to fight the urge to rip them off of my feet because I draw so much attention to myself with my silliness, but then I remind myself the reason why I put them on in the first place.

It makes me happy.

Why, as adults do we put so much taboo on things we used to think of as fun? To give up and ignore those small things that made us giggle and grin ear to ear and endure the drudgery that is of growing up? Isn't there still room to enjoy those little things and be a grown adult?

What are your thoughts?
zanthess: (Default)
That is all....

We now return you to your regularly scheduled program.

.... :3
zanthess: (Default)
Not much to report... just been really happy and busy lately. Moving into my folks' house to save up some cash in order to really get on my own two feet after this whole 6 month debacle.

I DO have a poem in the works, thought of it while I was busy shooting at the grass instead of hitting targets at archery. I think this one might rhyme too!

Oh! Good news! My divorce finalization has an official date! At 12:30 PM on November 3rd, Jake will be going to the courts to finalize paper and whatnot. Debating on whether to do a big party at Shorty's on the Friday/Saturday following, or just enjoying a quiet evening. Either way, I'd like to be surrounded by my friends and having a good time. :)

There's a skip in my step and a song in my heart; as long as I have that, I am happy.
zanthess: (away)
I feel poetry surging inside of me, spilling forth so fast I cannot catch and bring to words. What I have is still quite raw, but if I continue to write, I'm sure I'll gain back what I lost.

Another part of my essence I am rebuilding.

Here's one I came up with on the fly, only about 10 minutes worth of work, but the best writers/poets write daily, and not everything has to be great. I think I can manage entries every other day. Hopefully in a few months I'll have a small collection to look back on and see how I have progressed.

Dont' mind my rambling, just basking in the afterglow of a wonderful, eye opening evening.

NOTE: This isn't written to anyone in particular. In fact, it envelops quite a few people that I have met in my life.

Pinions )

Ugh...

Oct. 12th, 2010 08:42 pm
zanthess: (Default)
Having pangs of loneliness. They come and go, much as with getting used to being unmarried. Dealing with some unwanted stress that has hit me full force in the face this evening, and I realize how nice it would be to just plop down on a couch with someone, watch some stupid show that requires no thought whatsoever, and just forget the world.

Also realizing that I really need to get a place of my own. Roommates are great, but their unannounced comings and goings get me a bit stressed.

I'm checking out an apartment tomorrow, hoping that things turn well and I can begin the move. I've even found a few pianos that I'm hoping to choose one and get it this weekend... but that all depends on finding a place.

Work is killing me. I thought I was prepared to do the 6:30am-3pm crap in exchange for my afternoon freedoms and whatnot, but all I want to do is go home and sleep. That never happens, and I end up wasting away my hours online looking at crap that doesn't really matter.

Ugh... and my ultimate pet peeve of having roommates and landlords that are sole people, not complexes. No privacy. Going through my things, going into my room, etc.

Just yeah... had to rant. I don't want to sleep in this house another day. My determination to move is growing exponentially. I hope it doesn't make it so that I won't come home tomorrow.
zanthess: (happy)
I've realized in these past 6 months that the last 5 or 6 years of my life I've lost the ability to see inspiration in everything around me. I was so down and lost in my own pit of self-pity that even if something awesome were to come up to me and slap me in the face, I would turn and walk away.

In the past few weeks, however, I've begun to feel the energy inside me surging to push myself forward, enjoy life, and to find inspiration once again. Colors have intensified that sometimes I don't even believe my own eyes (and in my nerdery I wish that there was a vibrancy knob on my eyeballs. :P)

It started with my new job. Even though I get up and leave for work around 5:45 in the morning, sitting in traffic I realized that I probably will never move too far away from Seattle. The city is amazing! Not just the touristy pretty things. I find the beauty down in the streets, going through industrial sections, looking at old buildings and just enjoying the atmosphere. It all peaks when when I cross a bridge in Ballard and can see the city lights reflecting back up. Just... wow... I don't know why it affects me so.

Which brings me to yet ANOTHER project I've decided to tack on...

I've been really meaning to get back into photography, much more than I have the small shoot here and there. I know I'm not that great at it, but it's still enjoyable and that's what counts, right?

I was driving into work, admiring the night skyline when Owl City popped up in random on my iPod, blasting "Hello Seattle". I realized that places have different meanings to everyone, and I really wanted to not only share what I find that is quintessential to my love of Seattle, but also rediscover it for myself.

With my limited editing skills I plan to take pictures of different places in the city that I love, and then put it to the song that inspired me to do so. I have no idea how it will turn out, but I'm sure the adventure moving towards it will be enough for me.

photoshoot location list )

I really need to sit down and plan out what I am going to see in each trip. If anyone would like to come along with, it would be THAT much more enjoyable! Get in touch with me if you want to, we can all go (re)discover the wonders of our city.

here's the song so you'll know what I'm talking about :P )

Ok... now that I've posted it, I must do it! ONWARD!!! *marches off into the sunset, camera in hand*
zanthess: (thunder)
*sits down and blinks a few times in shock*

First kids, lets go back in time by about seven months *makes the Wayne's world back in time noise*

I had just barely started working doing surface-mount soldering at a place called TASC. I was told first off that it was only a temporary position, and anything beyond two weeks' worth was bonus. I continued to apply to different positions and happened to get called in for an interview at a manufacturing shop in Mukilteo.

The day of the interview I got stuck at work late and had to haul ass up there as normally a drive there was 30 minutes and I had a little over 15 at the time. I ended up getting to my interview late.

The lady there was not thrilled, but interviewed me anyway. I knew that I had blown the interview already without even stepping in, but figured I'd go through it anyway just to get more interviewing experience and learn what I didn't already know about manufacturing (which at the time wasn't a whole lot). I left the interview KNOWING that nothing was to come of it and went home.

Ok, now let's journey back to this morning *more Wayne's World back in time noises*

So I started a new job last week. Not what I want to be doing and not at the pay I needed to survive, but it was better than unemployment, and another notch on my resume. Living off of unemployment was killing me and I NEEDED something to do.

Now on my second week I'm sitting and sanding parts, when THE SAME LADY from the interview walks up to me. She says that when she interviewed me for the other company she was so impressed with my interviewing skills on top of my resume and my qualifications, she had already given my name to her boss to offer me an interview for a Quality Inspection position.

WHA???

This lady remembered my resume and my qualifications from some chick that showed up late for an interview SEVEN months ago? I was stunned.

After she left, I was then greeted by the QA lead, and he brought over the lady who worked the position I could be taking over to talk about what I would be doing and if I was able and ok with it.

I've now been offered an interview with the HR team. This would probably take me off of the temp position to full time with a raise, and possible benefits.

I am just floored. It seems that when things are their craziest and darkest, events are set in motion to bring the broken pieces back together to build something better than it was before.

I am in happy land.

Armor work

Sep. 18th, 2010 02:13 am
zanthess: (Default)
So not sure if I've mentioned it here before... but I've recently gone rabid for the Society for Creative Anachronism (SCA).

I've attended a few heavy fighter practices so far and really enjoyed watching, only hoping that I could sometime join... but money has been so tight, there's no even THINKING about building/purchasing armor.

One friend I've made had some extra pieces from an old armor kit of his and he is bigger than me, so this stuff might actually fit!

I've had to do a few small modifications, but so far things are going really well. I have almost everything I need now to get started,so it looks like in about 3 weeks or so I will be out there, "whackin' people with sticks" :P

pictures ahoy! )
Ok... nerdgasm over. Return to what you were doing....
zanthess: (Default)
Interview tomorrow. We'll see if this one turns out.
zanthess: (Default)
If there is one person or more on your friends list who makes your world a better place just because they exist and who you would not have met (in real life or not) without the internet, then post this same sentence in your journal.
zanthess: (Default)
Had my job interview earlier today. Production was impressed with my knowledge.

No official offer... so I'm just sitting and waiting... and hoping.
zanthess: (thinking)
I'm amazed at how empty my past feels with a lack of music in my life. Found a pile of old CD's in storage and stumbled across Our Lady Peace.

Now I've ripped all the albums I found and am downloading the rest. Here's one of my favorites:



Clicky for Lyrics )

Whee.

Sep. 1st, 2010 11:57 pm
zanthess: (Default)
Just got called for an interview earlier today. Doing light manufacturing and packaging. It's at $9-10 an hour.... but it's a job.

Here's a link so you guys can check it out. :D

http://privateerpress.com/
zanthess: (thinking)
Please!
I beg of you!
Spare me this torment!
Deliver me unto hands that weep!
So sweet and divine!
I can't stand the madness anymore!
Enraged in my skull
I scream
No one will hear me
Locked away in my own little hell.




You are the icy cold shadow stealing my breath
The crooked fingers stabbing into my soul
You are the one I love to hate
You kill every word I say
Slicing my tongue with needle-pricked toes
Ah, fear!
I want to hold you dearly
As you give me one deadly kiss




(and now a poem that actually rhymes!)

I walked into the garden
Where no one else had passed
O'er a little rosebud
With thorns of broken glass
The smell was ever sinful
The color was divine
I plucked it from its little place
So it would ever be mine
I hold this flower against me
Against my heart it rests
The glass shards ever stabbing me
Clinging to my chest

New Car!

Aug. 15th, 2010 11:51 pm
zanthess: (Default)
Here is my new car, a 1999 Subaru Forester! I just need to find a name for her now...
Read more... )
zanthess: (Default)
I shall call her Skjótrblakkr, which is "swift dark".

I can't wait to try her out on Monday.

Woohoo!

Jul. 30th, 2010 04:36 pm
zanthess: (happy)
Realized I'm going up to Canadia tomorrow! The adventure never stops!!!

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