zanthess: (frustrated)
So my husband's cousin is one of the dance instructors on Dance Your Ass Off. I figured I'd watch it to support her, but had to shut it off after just a few minutes.

One: All of the people in the show are short.
A lot of you out there are saying, "so what?" First of all, weight loss/gain is much more apparent on those of a shorter stature. Secondly, members on the show being short makes the folks like me feel like a total fatass. One girl on DYAO was talking about how fat she was now that she was 205 lbs, and she was HUGE. I was so uncomfortable in my 295 lb. frame that I had to ask my husband if I was that big around.

Two: It's all just a touchy-feely puppies and rainbows show.
That's all that I got from the first episode. Everyone was just happy and playful. I wonder if it will get any better, but not sure if I want to watch another episode with such a sour taste in my mouth.

Three: The dance instructors are way too into themselves.
Yes I'm glad that they encourage these overweight people to dance and get fit, but when it comes time to perform, they really get into themselves on tv time way too much.

These are just my opinions, and I needed to do a little bitching.
zanthess: (angry)
I just had a tire blowout from the inside rim. I didn't know what was happening, so I pulled into a busy grocery store parkinglot, taking the nearest two parkingspots so that I'd have room to check out/replace my tire. As I was doing so, atleast 30-40 people passed by me either on foot, or in their vehicles. The only person who noticed me was a guy in a modified pickup who honked and swore at me for taking up two spaces.

Everyone else just looked the other way so they wouldn't feel guilty.

I love this place. -_-
zanthess: (pissed)
I've been stuck at my 'rents home now for the 4th day because of snow. It wasn't so bad until my step-dad came home.

He bitched and moaned and put my mom in a bad mood, then went upstairs and sulked while watching TV in the bedroom.

He was sulking upstairs because my grandparents were watching TV downstairs. He didn't even refer to my grandparents as "mother's parents" or "your grandparents". He coldly called them, "those people".

He then bitched some more and did a few things to mess with my stuff because it was in HIS way. I calmly asked him if he needed to get my stuff out of the way, to let me know and I would be happy to do so for him. I fumed away in the kitchen once I was out of his sight/hearing. My mom caught wind of what happened (I tried to not let her know), and took her anger out on him, causing a full circle of bitchiness.

I'm tired of it. As bad as the snow will be, I will be GOING HOME on Monday. I don't give a crap if we can't make it back for Christmas. I'd rather be stuck at home with my husband, than with a man who doesn't give a flip about anyone that cares about him.

He said a lot of other things, but I won't put them here. Just thinking about them causes me to choke on my sobs. I want to go down there an punch him, or do something, just to show him how much he hurts everyone inside, and how much they hide it.

Dammit, I hate it that I cry when I'm mad.

And boy am I fsking pissed.
zanthess: (away)
Another sleepless night.

Woke up a bit late, but worked around the house. Moved bookshelves, arranged some VERY heavy speakers. Organized cords, fixed dinner, cleaned up the kitchen, loaded the dishwasher.

Husband comes home, looks around. I'm excited because I arranged our family room and hung up our framed art. "What do you think?"

Husband: "How much did you REALLY clean today?"

So therefore, because I didn't meet his expectations, I failed at cleaning today.

I continue to clean, he brings in a grill he bought, puts it together, and wants me to come to ooh and ahh over it. When I don't, he gets upset and goes to bed.

I guess he really doesn't realize what he's implied to me.

Sheesh, I don't know whether to continue to be mad at him, or at myself.

I hate this.
zanthess: (hot)
Two good friends I've made while working at Nintendo had their last day of work today. One was moving on to a "real" job, a start to his career, and the other is moving to Oregon to live with his soon-to-be in laws until he goes off to the air force. I brought them cupcakes, berated them for leaving, and wished them the best of luck. It's strange how close I feel to some people I've worked with for just four months.

As with the tears? Well my supervisor did it again. Long story short, my husband was stuck at work ALL NIGHT, and I had so much trouble sleeping. I got up, went to work, and realized that I had finals tonight and needed to prepare. I asked my sup if I could leave one hour early, and I would make sure that quota was more than filled. Instead of addressing that, she instead proceeded to basically "snarl" at me how five people didn't bother to show up and three have already left early because they felt tired. I was shocked at how fast she can turn. I can understand being upset that I coincidentally want to leave early on the first good day of spring, but considering that this was only the second time I've had an unauthorized absence, it should not have been a huge deal.

To be honest, she scares me to death, I have to take off my shoes and count my toes in order to keep track of how many times I've regressed to sobs and screaming because of this woman, and nothing was being done about it. I tried telling the temp manager, and she told me to write a report on what has happened, but did nothing to move me. I then went to my NOA manager, he said that he would have a talk with my sup, but I guess he didn't want to lose me.

I ended up bawling on my second aforementioned friend's shoulder on his last day, sobbing and shaking like a baby in front of all of my coworkers. More embarrassed than anything, I took off and tried to get away from everyone, hah, fat chance. I was rounded up and told that now was the time to talk to Andy (main temp boss guy) about what's been happening.

It's amazing the feeling you get when you get to the right person who will get things done. He asked for details, and wanted to know everything that I could remember word for word. He even stopped me before I left work to ask a few more questions and will follow up with me on Monday. Hopefully I might be moved somewhere else. To be honest, I don't mind staying until after our warehouse moves, which is in two weeks, I just don't want her to mess with me, or ANYONE else.

Ok.... now that that's off my chest, on to fun news.

I've been unofficially nominated, "Leader and morale coordinator" for our group of friends at work. A bunch of us are getting together tomorrow at 3pm to wander Pike St. Market to enjoy the festivities of their annual cheese festival. It started from a group of 2-3 to a horde of atleast 15-20 people saying that they will be there. We are so starved at work for some kind of fun and team building that people are starting to look for me to get going. It is a lot of fun because I can get people to laugh, and I'm making new friends, but I think it might be what's causing some frustration with my sup because I can get people to do things she has to crack her whip to get them to do grudgingly.

I'm also hoping to have a summer BBQ one weekend out on a lake. If I can get some more helpers, then it could include the whole warehouse. I'm hoping to pitch it to the temp agency and Nintendo to see if they can donate some funds/food to the cause. Would be fun to do summer games too like 3-legged race, etc. with prizes!

Well, that's it for now, just feeling wordy and getting it all out in one go. Parents will be gone tomorrow when I get home, and then 3 week house party!
zanthess: (cry)
I've now resorted to aromatherapy, tea, knitting, crocheting, AND gardening.

Last night my mom said a few things that set me so on edge, I HAD to leave, even though it was nearly 9pm. I wanted so bad to punch her in the face, so I turned it around and went to get some plants. It'll be therapeutic, I'll be able to grow my own herbs, and the plants will enjoy my ranting and raving, and loving on them.

I've planted chives, garlic chives, and spearmint seeds, and bought already sprouted lavender, Texas tarragon, and generic sage.

I'm hoping this helps me cope for the last week.

I'm just sick and tired of having to deal with my past constantly... I really don't know what to do, because all I want to do is cry and let it all out...

I just don't know to who.
zanthess: (frustrated)
So this is the second day I've gotten in trouble for talking, so I made a concerted effort to NOT talk to anyone today... and I actually got a compliment at the end of the day by a certain "someone". I have a feeling this "someone" is also the one that complained about me in the first place.

It drives me insane to sit there silently, so I have a plan... I'm going to sneak in my mp3 player and earphones. I'm hoping that will keep me entertained and busy.

There's this huge pressure in the background, screaming that I could be the next laid off (about 50-60 were laid off Friday), and I don't want to do anything to screw up my chances of staying around. If I can stick it out, I hope to even get out of my old evil line. that's what this whole overtime thing is about.

I'm slowly killing myself for recognition.

*cue Cake song*
zanthess: (away)
I'm trying not to let my rage take over me. I've been feeling the urge to punch something ever since last night. I know what happened last time so I don't.

I want to scream and scream and get the f*** out of here. I'm starting to feel comfortable only when I'm at work.

I think I'm just sick and tired of living like our lives are on hold because everything we own has to stay in boxes.
zanthess: (angry)
People that give backhanded compliments.
People who will listen to advice about how not to have a nervous breakdown and then ignore you.
People who insult my husband to his face without remorse.
People who berate my mother (my mom is her boss) in front of their client, and make her cry.
People who take and take, but bitch when something changes.
When my eye twitches when I think about these people.
Insensitive people who create great injustices in the world.
People, who after my mom has told them that her parrot is leaving, STILL continue to complain to everyone.

It's hard to thing I am stressed when I don't have a job, I'm not going to school for a few more weeks, but my eye has been twitching for nearly a month. Unfortunately most of this anger is directed to one person in particular, but she could care less. Really makes me wonder why she doesn't have many clients left and never gets any new ones.


I'm hoping that now I've let it out, my eye will stop twitching, and maybe I can get out of the backstabbing drama that makes my mom want to sell the salon.

*sigh*

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zanthess

February 2011

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