I guess I should update with something about me as well

I had a dream last night that I was being hunted by this evil group that wanted control of me because something in my body had some huge importance, like I was all powerful or something, but not many people knew my identity. Only close friends, but worst, my enemy (which I never knew who it was). I think they were trying to get me before my powers were developed, cuz I couldn't do shit in my dream. :(

A lot of my friends were in it. One was riding a griffin/phoenix (that was on fire).... everyone else was flying somehow but I couldn't, I just had to keep running. The whole city we were in was deserted, and every house had been broken into and trashed. We spent a night in a different house, mainly to keep unnoticed.

I guess that I didn't want to get anyone else involved, so I ran. It was weird cuz I was running through the neighborhood that my Dad's last girlfriend lived. I was hopping fences with single jumps and such, but then I was spotted, caught and wrestled to the ground.

They took me to this concert stage thing, though I was up in the rafters, they were preparing to unveil who I was and the whole evil scheme thing (which I still have no idea what it was about), when my friends showed up and punched out the security. I had to jump. It was about 3 stories down. I like it in dreams how it isn't hard to jump that far. :P

I just began running again.

WTF does this mean?!?

Another internet gem

A Valentine's day out there for all you men.

This goes through my head about a dozen times every day.

Thoughts rambling on and on....

I keep daydreaming of when he is going to ask me to marry him. Probably because this is the most successfull relationship I've ever been in. He's even gone through over a dozen of my panic attacks and me screaming at him a few times... and he doesn't go away.

I'm getting REALLY close to breaking my old dating record... and I just.... I just want to get married and get it over with.

I wanna know when/if he's gonna do it...

He talked about it so much about 8 months ago... and now not at all.

And then I wonder if it's just because I'm not worthy of it. I purposely go through old emails and look through online board postings of old boyfriends and see how many are married or with the love of their life, and it's usually after they've ended it with me. Why the fuck can't I be that happy? Do I have to wallow in my own shit forever just to make up for all the pain I've caused?

There's reasons now why I take paxil. I know I won't need it after things are said and done. Especially after school.



Just had to let it out. Forgot to take my meds last night so I kinda get moody and thoughtfull and all that loverly stuff.

That, and it's just fucking hard to not be able to get these thoughts out of my head without talking about it.... and I've already pissed off enough friends here in UT that they refuse to let me talk about it around them anymore.

(no subject)

not posting tonight. Just letting you all know I'm still alive.

Dizzyspell/nerve thing got REALLY bad today. I had to go lie down before I could bare to even sit up and eat something. Felt much better after eating and promptly passed out and slept with my head on the table and arms dangling to my sides as everyone else DnD'ed around me.

Girly stuff started right when I went on lunch and cramps kicked in midway through a 1 1/2 hour sale with a customer.


Today has just kicked my ass, and I just wanna kill things.

'ta