zanthess

Hello once again!

Busy busy here... just barely got my computer able to get online once again. Things have been a bit tumultuous in my living situation as of late.

As a lot of you know, I recently got a job working up in Mountlake Terrace after I had given up trying to find a job up north and moved down with my folks in Kent. A bit late, but welcomed nonetheless as it is much better pay and work compared to what I had at the time. I've since moved up to Wallingford temporarily while I try to find a more permanent place to live. It has been fun living with Eric and I enjoy every moment of it, but I had to leave my kids behind with my folks. Knowing that they are stuck in their cages 24/7 with little interaction really gets to me, but it is only a temporary situation and that makes things bearable... I just apologize profusely whenever I go to see Gidge and Bean and give them all the love I can in such short time.

Work has been pretty amazing thus far. I've caught on fast and am getting along with everyone quite well. They allow personal music devices, so I've been learning just how quickly you can drain an iPhone battery while streaming This American Life.

A lot of other emotional changes have been happening as of late too, some good... a lot.... well... not so good, but in the end it all has ended up being a positive experience and I have grown to be a better person because of it. This whole procession to becoming a "non-married" person has been an amazing journey thus far, and I am excited to see what other roads it takes me down. I still have my married name... just waiting for tax returns to go through and then I am done with it. I will have my old name again, and because of that I've started to go by AJ again as well. Kinda strange the things you yearn for after you pushed them aside so long ago.

Been working on not focusing on how I'm berating myself, and rather reminding myself how I am more than deserving the good things that have happened in my life and how proud of myself I am. It's been a hard battle, and I've slipped back quite a few times, but the new man in my life has been there many a-time to catch me and snap me back into reality. I just keep noticing the stark difference between him and my ex-husband.

I hate to make comparisons, but after living in fear for so long it's crazy to sit back and realize that I don't have to worry about every little thing I do to make sure I am perfect. I always knew that perfection was impossible to achieve, yet I still would continually beat myself up for never reaching it. It's been fun to try, get messy, and make mistakes. What's even more fun is to laugh at it, dust myself off, and try again. I look back and realize just how much I have accomplished in the past 9 months and compared to the past 5 years the difference is staggering. My life feels rich and full, and I don't have to think hard in order to be happy... it just happens.

Things are still tight living-wise, but I've only received one paycheck from my new job so far. I've actually been looking at a couple of houses in Seattle that are up for rent. An old co-worker of mine is living with her mom at the moment and has expressed interest in finding another place to live.

Things are improving, I am happy, and for the first time in my life I feel like I can be proactive instead of reactive in my life. I thought it would be scary at first not having anything pushing me to go one way or another, or not having someone there telling me what to do, but I enjoy poring over the options and deciding what is best for me.

That's a new thing too... deciding things for me and no one else. Sure, I still make decisions that I know will directly affect other people, but that is no longer the sole concern. I don't make decisions based on fear of what others will say or think, but decide to do things for other people because I WANT to. Doesn't mean the nice things I've done for you folks out there was based solely on fear, just a change of perspective I am currently cultivating.

Music continues to be a main part of my life, as is talk radio becoming a stronger presence. I wonder if it's just a factor of getting old that I'd rather listen to people ramble on than what new song so-and-so's band is coming out with.

Oh, did I mention I was finally able to go out all gothed up too? Man.... too many things to talk about. I even danced on my own. I let loose, was wild, and didn't give a crap what other people thought. It even got me a smack on the ass from some random chick while I was leaving the bathroom.

Oh! and I'm now 60+ lbs. lighter than my heaviest weight. I can almost fit into my highschool pants.

I am so badass. It's only going to get even more awesome from here.

I'm amazed at how empty my past feels with a lack of music in my life. Found a pile of old CD's in storage and stumbled across Our Lady Peace.

Now I've ripped all the albums I found and am downloading the rest. Here's one of my favorites:



( Clicky for Lyrics )

Just want to share how thankful I am for NyQuil.

Looking to get a new car, but can't find anything that I can fit in without banging my knees or hitting my head. Quite frustrating.

Need to find something so that we can get rid of my car before it goes kaput.... again.

Oh, and being sick during the summer sucks.

So..... shitty but good things have happened lately.

Bunny has started peeing outside his box, that means hormones are kicking in, and his pockets shall be picked in the next month.

Finally signed up to be a core member of the PFM derby practice group. Monthly dues instead of per practice, and much cheaper.

Had to drive to Seattle to get parts that were missing because GE's factory workers don't speak friggin' English. When I got there my car started making the same noise it made about a month ago when a tube fell off the engine. Had the hub come home to check it out. He took it to the dealership and they found another tube that had come loose. They hooked it up and sent him on his way.

On the way home my car started making whooshing noises and pouring out black smoke from the tailpipe.

Dammit.

Down to one car, and neither of use have the ability to take off work or work from home. So weird to be stuck somewhere without transportation.

Was able to get some aggression out on the skating floor at my first practice, and even pulled off some moves I never thought I could do. Strange how much easier rollerskating becomes when you're not in "don't want to fall" mode.

Other than that, headed down to the folk's tomorrow to cook salmon for my stepdad, and my Dad's famous marinated drumsticks. For over 10 years I've tried to remember what was in the marinade that made it so good, and discovered the secret: Maple Syrup. I have no clue why the brown sugar, or other sweet things I put in it don't work near as well.

Also going to try another fun fireworks project. Tin can rocket. Looks to me like it will be hours of fun blasting an empty can of green beans 50 ft. into the air.



Oh yeah. I got older a few weeks ago too. My back even went out on me ON my birthday just to remind me I'm old.

P.S. Happy 4th everyone. go blow shit up.

Been watching the sand hill cranes every day. I can't believe they are up to five feet tall! A storm came in yesterday morning and gave the ranch 3 inches of snow, right after the hub helped his dad plant some onion bulbs. I'm wondering where spring is up here as well.

Other than the snow, the view is quite beautiful, and it is so QUIET.

Went to NPS yesterday, I wish there was a place like this in Washington. Basically, pallets that get damaged in transit aren't sellable, so they sell them to NPS at a really cheap price, then whatever they have they sell to the public equally cheap. Much like a Grocery Outlet, but on a much grander scale.

Also went to the local thrift store to do some treasure hunting. I found a Robosapien in perfect condition for ten bucks! I was quite excited, because I know how many motors are in it, and those alone are around $10 each. So he will be played with for a little while, then pillaged for parts.

Strange headache is coming back full force, but only when I breathe in. I'm really starting to think it's more my sinuses than hormonal, but it seems everything I do makes my skull under my left eyebrow feel like there's a little man inside with a picaxe, chipping away. I'm just waiting for him to break free. Maybe the pain will stop then. :P

With so much stress and rushing gone, I feel more of a want to write in LJ. I really need to hold onto that and keep going. It really encourages the brain juices.

In the next few days we'll be purchasing tickets to the Derby bout in Salt Lake. Found out it's the SLC Shakers, which is an all-star team comprised of members of the other SLC teams. This should turn out to be fun.

EDIT: Another storm rolled in and now there's about a foot of snow out there... and it's COLD.

So the hub went to talk to the landlord about us getting a rabbit. The verdict? $500 deposit. That's higher than our initial deposit to move in. After complaining a bit she said she'd see if it could be brought down to $200.

So the bunny thing might not happen :(

Mom is still coming over to hang out with us and take me shopping for "essentials". That will help make life much easier, and it will be nice to have the three of us hanging out :)

Just got home from hanging out all day at the hospital with my mom. She didn't want to bug anyone, so she told no one that she was going.

Luckily I hunted her down. I was there for about four hours and heard the most interesting conversations since she was in the middle of a 3 bed room. Those cloth dividers don't hide much.

Back home now and exhausted, but getting excited. Hub said that if I was able to get the house bunny proofed, we could get a rabbit. Also gotta clean up 'cause Mom is coming up to visit to check out our new couches and go with us to THE BEST DAMN MEXICAN RESTAURANT in the Seattle area.

Oh.... and interview today went well, I'm hoping something will come of it. :D

Went to Washington Worksource today to work over my resume. Lady there was really helpful and totally tore my resume apart.

Other than that, went to H-Mart today to test my hirigana reading skills, only to find most everything is in Korean. Bah...

Still found what I was looking for. Even found something that I needed that wasn't in english at all! So yay for me.

I always feel better after blowing off steam and watching cutesy anime.

I'm still planning on leaving Monday, we'll see how the weather fares.

Been a fun few days. Took my husband to go meet up with an old highschool buddy of mine for halloween. It was a blast, and we are both planning to get together more often.

Jake got a job! It's still contract, but it pays 33% more than when he was at Microsoft, and the contract can extend to 2 years! Woo!

Had another friend from Nintardo past come over today to enjoy bacon burgers, and to introduce him to the awesome zombie movie Fido.

Now I'm sittin' around, contemplating going to bed, and came up with a little answering machine message while messing with a voice synthesizer and my new toy, Melodyne. I just gotta find a place online to host it so I can share it with all of you.

But that's for another day.... zzzzzz......