Apr. 21st, 2010

zanthess: (Default)
So here I am.... 3 weeks and counting.

Things have been difficult, but still survivable. I moved into a new place, but with deposit + rent + student loan payment I didn't have anything left to feed myself or Bean.

I know I didn't want to ask for help, but learning when the proper time to ask for help is, I called my mom.

I met with them earlier today, they took me to dinner and then we went grocery shopping. I now have enough food to last another week and enough cash to get Bean some food. She's been on veggies and hay for a few days now.

Every time I get home and turn on my computer, I check to see if Jake is online. I know I shouldn't message him, but knowing he is active and doing something helps. I imagine what I will send him, even opening his number on my phone, wondering if I called would he answer?

I promised not to contact him for a month. I've already broken that with a few emails.

Now that we're getting near a 3rd of the way through this three month break, I'm really wondering when we should be thinking about contacting eachother and meeting again. Things are very lonely here. There's this empty space next to me that only another body can fill. I've gotten some of it through co-workers. One in particular I make sure to get hugs from every day. He knows a lot of what's going on and shares opinions openly.

He mentioned that we need to set a date to meet up... but I don't know how to bring the subject up. It would be nice just to be able to talk on the phone again.

Maybe I'll do that on May 1st. Afterall, that will be a month from when this started.

*sigh*

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zanthess

February 2011

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