Calmed down...

Still a bit upset and confused as to what to do. I've been cleaning still after Jake went to bed.

Meeting up with a friend tomorrow morning to help her move, and will make the decision while I'm out helping her if I want to go back and have dinner tomorrow with my husband and his friends. That's the reason he got the grill, and the reason behind the stress to clean.

I like how the house is turning out. A lot was put on hold because Jake voiced that he wanted a say as to where pictures and furniture were put. No movement was made toward deciding where it should go. Tension builds, and then a fight happens.

I've staved off the fight for now. Last time we had an argument like this, he said that if we didn't work things out, he'd leave in a year. I'm so scared of hearing that again, that I want to avoid any confrontation possible.

A lot of things still raging through my brain. I don't know how to make sense of it, the only therapist I've been talking to is the one working with both of us, and I don't feel comfortable talking about certain things with Jake around.

Mom has offered to pay for me to have some personal therapy, but I know with Jake's pride  and my own embarrassment of feeling like a money pit to my folks, I have to say no.

I'm surrounded by rocks and hard places. I should start a zen rock garden :P