Calmed down...

[zanthess]

Still a bit upset and confused as to what to do. I've been cleaning still after Jake went to bed.

Meeting up with a friend tomorrow morning to help her move, and will make the decision while I'm out helping her if I want to go back and have dinner tomorrow with my husband and his friends. That's the reason he got the grill, and the reason behind the stress to clean.

I like how the house is turning out. A lot was put on hold because Jake voiced that he wanted a say as to where pictures and furniture were put. No movement was made toward deciding where it should go. Tension builds, and then a fight happens.

I've staved off the fight for now. Last time we had an argument like this, he said that if we didn't work things out, he'd leave in a year. I'm so scared of hearing that again, that I want to avoid any confrontation possible.

A lot of things still raging through my brain. I don't know how to make sense of it, the only therapist I've been talking to is the one working with both of us, and I don't feel comfortable talking about certain things with Jake around.

Mom has offered to pay for me to have some personal therapy, but I know with Jake's pride  and my own embarrassment of feeling like a money pit to my folks, I have to say no.

I'm surrounded by rocks and hard places. I should start a zen rock garden :P

Comments

[omonk.livejournal.com]

You can somehow arrange your couples therapy person to speak individually for a session. At least mine allows that kind of stuff. It's just something you have to call about in advance sort of arrange without it seeming like you requested it. Sort of like she wants to speak with one, then the other... I dunno. Probably depends on the therapist though.

[faewren.livejournal.com]

I am THIS close to coming up there and bopping your husband one. Actually I'm THIS close to coming up there and leaving a bloody lump where Jake used to be. He doesn't want a wife, he wants a dog that'll talk to him. I'm sorry honey, but if he doesn't wise up he'll never realize the gold he has in his hand. You are SO amazing, and have come SO far, even in the short 4 years that I've known about your existence. I love you, and I know that you are worth a 1,000 of your husband. Keep hanging in there, and don't let him push you around. Marriage is about a meeting and a balance of ideas, not one spouse bending to the will of the other. Bring up things at your couple therapist. Otherwise, where else will you have the ability to bring them up? Try the couple therapist one on one thing. Maybe it'll work.

Praying for you. ^_^