zanthess: (gaming)
Hello once again!

Busy busy here... just barely got my computer able to get online once again. Things have been a bit tumultuous in my living situation as of late.

As a lot of you know, I recently got a job working up in Mountlake Terrace after I had given up trying to find a job up north and moved down with my folks in Kent. A bit late, but welcomed nonetheless as it is much better pay and work compared to what I had at the time. I've since moved up to Wallingford temporarily while I try to find a more permanent place to live. It has been fun living with Eric and I enjoy every moment of it, but I had to leave my kids behind with my folks. Knowing that they are stuck in their cages 24/7 with little interaction really gets to me, but it is only a temporary situation and that makes things bearable... I just apologize profusely whenever I go to see Gidge and Bean and give them all the love I can in such short time.

Work has been pretty amazing thus far. I've caught on fast and am getting along with everyone quite well. They allow personal music devices, so I've been learning just how quickly you can drain an iPhone battery while streaming This American Life.

A lot of other emotional changes have been happening as of late too, some good... a lot.... well... not so good, but in the end it all has ended up being a positive experience and I have grown to be a better person because of it. This whole procession to becoming a "non-married" person has been an amazing journey thus far, and I am excited to see what other roads it takes me down. I still have my married name... just waiting for tax returns to go through and then I am done with it. I will have my old name again, and because of that I've started to go by AJ again as well. Kinda strange the things you yearn for after you pushed them aside so long ago.

Been working on not focusing on how I'm berating myself, and rather reminding myself how I am more than deserving the good things that have happened in my life and how proud of myself I am. It's been a hard battle, and I've slipped back quite a few times, but the new man in my life has been there many a-time to catch me and snap me back into reality. I just keep noticing the stark difference between him and my ex-husband.

I hate to make comparisons, but after living in fear for so long it's crazy to sit back and realize that I don't have to worry about every little thing I do to make sure I am perfect. I always knew that perfection was impossible to achieve, yet I still would continually beat myself up for never reaching it. It's been fun to try, get messy, and make mistakes. What's even more fun is to laugh at it, dust myself off, and try again. I look back and realize just how much I have accomplished in the past 9 months and compared to the past 5 years the difference is staggering. My life feels rich and full, and I don't have to think hard in order to be happy... it just happens.

Things are still tight living-wise, but I've only received one paycheck from my new job so far. I've actually been looking at a couple of houses in Seattle that are up for rent. An old co-worker of mine is living with her mom at the moment and has expressed interest in finding another place to live.

Things are improving, I am happy, and for the first time in my life I feel like I can be proactive instead of reactive in my life. I thought it would be scary at first not having anything pushing me to go one way or another, or not having someone there telling me what to do, but I enjoy poring over the options and deciding what is best for me.

That's a new thing too... deciding things for me and no one else. Sure, I still make decisions that I know will directly affect other people, but that is no longer the sole concern. I don't make decisions based on fear of what others will say or think, but decide to do things for other people because I WANT to. Doesn't mean the nice things I've done for you folks out there was based solely on fear, just a change of perspective I am currently cultivating.

Music continues to be a main part of my life, as is talk radio becoming a stronger presence. I wonder if it's just a factor of getting old that I'd rather listen to people ramble on than what new song so-and-so's band is coming out with.

Oh, did I mention I was finally able to go out all gothed up too? Man.... too many things to talk about. I even danced on my own. I let loose, was wild, and didn't give a crap what other people thought. It even got me a smack on the ass from some random chick while I was leaving the bathroom.

Oh! and I'm now 60+ lbs. lighter than my heaviest weight. I can almost fit into my highschool pants.

I am so badass. It's only going to get even more awesome from here.
zanthess: (sleepy)
So hey, what up?

Been a while, eh?

Seems like I keep saying this. I disappear for so long, and then remember that just posting on Facebook does not constitute keeping my life updated.

Life, as it stands right now, is pretty good. Just small things left and right popping in to aggravate the hell out of me, but now those events that would normally send me into fits of crying and screaming now just get a chuckle and a shrug, or an animated "stomping temper tantrum" for the entertainment of those around me.

I've noticed more and more often that I've become even more forgetful. It really started since my car accident. I mean, I was pretty forgetful to begin with, but it has dramatically increased these past few years.

Before you ask, yes, I'm still taken, and very happy with the fact. It's amazing once you find the right person and barriers you thought impenetrable come crashing down. Still dealing with a lot of both good and bad barriers, but lately it's been mostly good. Some very VERY good, and quite surprising.

I've gone from extreme socialite, to cutting down what I do and who I do it with. I've tried hard to not feel the pangs of guilt by turning down offers to hang out, and come to the full realization that my time truly is MY time. That, and the fact I need to buckle down and prepare to live on my own again. Living with my folks at the moment has been a blessing, but driving to and from work in Ballard and home in Kent really kills my wallet in gas. Eric has been amazing in letting me spend the night at his place often during the week to save on gas, but my pets are lacking in the love and attention I use to lavish upon them.

I have found one place that's two bedrooms for $950 a month. Talking with a coworker/friend to see if she's interested in moving there together. This won't happen until after Christmas, but it's still a small step forward.

Other than that, just taking small bits of time here and there to rediscover and rebuild myself. Finding songs that once embarassed me to to play around others I now relish in sharing my insanity with them. I've even put bells on my shoes this year. A small percentage of the time I have to fight the urge to rip them off of my feet because I draw so much attention to myself with my silliness, but then I remind myself the reason why I put them on in the first place.

It makes me happy.

Why, as adults do we put so much taboo on things we used to think of as fun? To give up and ignore those small things that made us giggle and grin ear to ear and endure the drudgery that is of growing up? Isn't there still room to enjoy those little things and be a grown adult?

What are your thoughts?
zanthess: (thinking)
I'm amazed at how empty my past feels with a lack of music in my life. Found a pile of old CD's in storage and stumbled across Our Lady Peace.

Now I've ripped all the albums I found and am downloading the rest. Here's one of my favorites:



Clicky for Lyrics )
zanthess: (celebrate)
Orientation was pretty bad-ass. Well... boring, but the information provided within is amazing. I may be able to finally get a MRI to find out what's causing my severe sinus migraine thingies for only $20 copay. That is effing amazing.

Job is really cool too. Everyone is incredibly laid back and you are instantly a friend with everyone there. It has to be this way because 70%+ of the people here have a disability. And before you ask, yes, I qualify as one because of my anxiety.

Other than that, my job will be to inspect chromium paint jobs on aircraft parts. Not the most exciting, but I'll also receive in-depth training on blueprints (which I didn't get in school), specializing in Boeing's procedures.

And yeah, the benefits are just effing amazing. As long as I don't find out on my first real day at work that it's all a sham, I might just stick around here for a while (e.g. quite a few years).

Oh, and I'll be working in Ballard, in north Seattle, so not a terrible commute, either. Just 12-15 minutes.

ok.. nini time for Zanth. Seattle Gift Show starts tomorrow. I'm meeting up with my mom to find products for her salon, and square scarves for wrapping christmas presents furoshiki style.
zanthess: (Default)
Just want to share how thankful I am for NyQuil.

Looking to get a new car, but can't find anything that I can fit in without banging my knees or hitting my head. Quite frustrating.

Need to find something so that we can get rid of my car before it goes kaput.... again.

Oh, and being sick during the summer sucks.

Quick.

Jul. 20th, 2009 10:02 am
zanthess: (sick)
Went to Portland this weekend and saw Lacuna Coil. Definitely respect them more now that I've seen them live and was able to hang out with them after the show.

Very fresh band called Dommin opened for them. They sounded great, and their EP sold out at the show. Hoping to hear more from them.

Jake bought me a mandoline slicer. That paired with the deep fryer he got for his birfday will lead to many wonderful meals and snackiness.

Met more of Jake's fam while in Portland. Good grief, they are everywhere.

And now getting nasty sore throat that's been going around our family. I'm the last one. -_-

I think that's it really.

Argh!

Jul. 4th, 2009 12:57 am
zanthess: (Default)
So..... shitty but good things have happened lately.

Bunny has started peeing outside his box, that means hormones are kicking in, and his pockets shall be picked in the next month.

Finally signed up to be a core member of the PFM derby practice group. Monthly dues instead of per practice, and much cheaper.

Had to drive to Seattle to get parts that were missing because GE's factory workers don't speak friggin' English. When I got there my car started making the same noise it made about a month ago when a tube fell off the engine. Had the hub come home to check it out. He took it to the dealership and they found another tube that had come loose. They hooked it up and sent him on his way.

On the way home my car started making whooshing noises and pouring out black smoke from the tailpipe.

Dammit.

Down to one car, and neither of use have the ability to take off work or work from home. So weird to be stuck somewhere without transportation.

Was able to get some aggression out on the skating floor at my first practice, and even pulled off some moves I never thought I could do. Strange how much easier rollerskating becomes when you're not in "don't want to fall" mode.

Other than that, headed down to the folk's tomorrow to cook salmon for my stepdad, and my Dad's famous marinated drumsticks. For over 10 years I've tried to remember what was in the marinade that made it so good, and discovered the secret: Maple Syrup. I have no clue why the brown sugar, or other sweet things I put in it don't work near as well.

Also going to try another fun fireworks project. Tin can rocket. Looks to me like it will be hours of fun blasting an empty can of green beans 50 ft. into the air.



Oh yeah. I got older a few weeks ago too. My back even went out on me ON my birthday just to remind me I'm old.

P.S. Happy 4th everyone. go blow shit up.
zanthess: (Default)
Waiting for my Mom to call me to let me know she's on her way to meet me at the skate shop.

I get my derby skates today.

I am going to explode if she doesn't call soon......

*holds breath*

Wow

Apr. 26th, 2009 09:21 am
zanthess: (Default)
Been watching the sand hill cranes every day. I can't believe they are up to five feet tall! A storm came in yesterday morning and gave the ranch 3 inches of snow, right after the hub helped his dad plant some onion bulbs. I'm wondering where spring is up here as well.

Other than the snow, the view is quite beautiful, and it is so QUIET.

Went to NPS yesterday, I wish there was a place like this in Washington. Basically, pallets that get damaged in transit aren't sellable, so they sell them to NPS at a really cheap price, then whatever they have they sell to the public equally cheap. Much like a Grocery Outlet, but on a much grander scale.

Also went to the local thrift store to do some treasure hunting. I found a Robosapien in perfect condition for ten bucks! I was quite excited, because I know how many motors are in it, and those alone are around $10 each. So he will be played with for a little while, then pillaged for parts.

Strange headache is coming back full force, but only when I breathe in. I'm really starting to think it's more my sinuses than hormonal, but it seems everything I do makes my skull under my left eyebrow feel like there's a little man inside with a picaxe, chipping away. I'm just waiting for him to break free. Maybe the pain will stop then. :P

With so much stress and rushing gone, I feel more of a want to write in LJ. I really need to hold onto that and keep going. It really encourages the brain juices.

In the next few days we'll be purchasing tickets to the Derby bout in Salt Lake. Found out it's the SLC Shakers, which is an all-star team comprised of members of the other SLC teams. This should turn out to be fun.

EDIT: Another storm rolled in and now there's about a foot of snow out there... and it's COLD.

An Update

Apr. 17th, 2009 01:43 pm
zanthess: (busy)
Still missing Dia, but doing alright.

Getting ready to leave on a 1 1/2 week vacation drive to Utah on Wednesday.

When we get back I'll be getting my derby skates (!!!!!!!)

Might not be able to start practicing because I'm quitting my job (getting less than 10 hours a week).

Looking at other bunnies to adopt and falling in love.

Getting the itch to pick up a crochet hook and make another blanket, wonder who it will be for this time.

I think that's all really.

EDIT: also got a Pocket Ref. Most informative effing thing on this planet. Well worth the 12.95 pricetag. I think everyone should be issued one of these upon the day they graduate highschool.

*whine*

Mar. 16th, 2009 02:04 pm
zanthess: (sob)
So the hub went to talk to the landlord about us getting a rabbit. The verdict? $500 deposit. That's higher than our initial deposit to move in. After complaining a bit she said she'd see if it could be brought down to $200.

So the bunny thing might not happen :(

Mom is still coming over to hang out with us and take me shopping for "essentials". That will help make life much easier, and it will be nice to have the three of us hanging out :)
zanthess: (zombietired)
Seems as if there's a Planet Earth marathon going on on Discovery HD. I may be glued to the tv all day...
zanthess: (Default)
Just got home from hanging out all day at the hospital with my mom. She didn't want to bug anyone, so she told no one that she was going.

Luckily I hunted her down. I was there for about four hours and heard the most interesting conversations since she was in the middle of a 3 bed room. Those cloth dividers don't hide much.

Back home now and exhausted, but getting excited. Hub said that if I was able to get the house bunny proofed, we could get a rabbit. Also gotta clean up 'cause Mom is coming up to visit to check out our new couches and go with us to THE BEST DAMN MEXICAN RESTAURANT in the Seattle area.

Oh.... and interview today went well, I'm hoping something will come of it. :D
zanthess: (away)
March 9th, 2009 @ 1:15pm
By Paul McHardy

SALT LAKE CITY -- This Sunday night's episode of HBO's "Big Love" may do more than just raise the eyebrows of members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. One of the characters will be depicted participating in LDS Temple ceremonies.

"The rituals and the teachings that take place in those we consider to be sacred and not appropriate for public view," says BYU Associate Dean of Religion Kent Jackson. "Latter-day Saints will find this very disheartening that something like this is taking place."

Jackson says this shows an insensitivity to sacred things.

"Good people honor other people's sense of the sacred."

Temples are restricted to church members in good standing, and the ceremonies and teachings inside are not intended to be discussed outside of the building. Jackson says other religions have similar sacred rituals.

"Mecca, the center place of the Islamic faith, is restricted entirely to Muslims. Non-Muslims are not allowed to go into the city at all," he says.

Executive Producer Mark Olsen hired a former member of the LDS Church to consult with set and wardrobe designers to re-create the ceremonies, including clothing and certain rooms inside the temple. He insists it's not intended for shock value, it's simple a very important part of the story.

A statement released by the LDS Church called on members not to overreact. It said in part, "Despite earlier assurances from HBO it once again blurs the distinctions between The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and the show's fictional non-Mormon characters and their practices. Such things say much more about the insensitivities of writers, producers and TV executives than they say about Latter-day Saints."

------------------------------

I am sad to see this happen. At first I was upset and sick to my stomach that something so sacred and private to me would be aired for all the world to view, but then I thought how long we have gone as a worldwide religion without this happening.

I ask you of the LJ audience, to please respect my religion, and to please not watch this episode. I do admit I watched Big Love before, just because I had no clue what polygamy was about, but they are crossing and blurring lines with an offshoot religion that the LDS community does not have any connection with anymore.

I respect other's privacy, and this almost feels like I'm being stripped naked.... I guess I'm still going to have to absorb what is happening. :(
zanthess: (eat)
Went to Washington Worksource today to work over my resume. Lady there was really helpful and totally tore my resume apart.

Other than that, went to H-Mart today to test my hirigana reading skills, only to find most everything is in Korean. Bah...

Still found what I was looking for. Even found something that I needed that wasn't in english at all! So yay for me.
zanthess: (sleepy)
I'm thinking of making mochi this week. Wondering what fillings I should use. I'm already head over heels for mochi ice cream, but am afraid to try the red bean paste.

Anyone else out there tried mochi?

In other news: FINALLY started on my "pleated" skirt I'd been pining over for 4 months or so. Everything is cut, just have to get the gumption to get out my sewing machine and go at it. It's really exciting to make something with a corset-type back, knowing that the more I skate, the tighter I can pull it. :D

'Ta.
zanthess: (Default)
I always feel better after blowing off steam and watching cutesy anime.

I'm still planning on leaving Monday, we'll see how the weather fares.
zanthess: (sleep)
I got the lowest final test score (a 93%), but got the highest grade in the class 98.4% Woot!

My instructor also contacted me to let me know the paper part of my test out passed! Now I just have to pass the mock interview and I'm as good as gold. Rock.

Therapist sprung the EMDR thing on me suddenly tonight and it made me feel quite nervous and scared, but that's how he wanted me to be. He started me on thinking about where I go in my mind when I get nervous, and I told him anything with patterns, more like anything that uses true-false/on-off/right-wrong/good-bad type of logic to it helps me find this quiet spot inside. It was really weird, but a good introduction into the therapy he will be using on me.

Jake and I also had quite a deep discussion tonight, and he said some things that just really blew me out of the water.

So yeah, my emotions are all over the board here, but doing alright, and overall I'm happy and excited. now that I realize that I really am graduating, I feel empowered and more in control of my life.

Will update more later, I'm exhausted.
zanthess: (sleepy)
Been a fun few days. Took my husband to go meet up with an old highschool buddy of mine for halloween. It was a blast, and we are both planning to get together more often.

Jake got a job! It's still contract, but it pays 33% more than when he was at Microsoft, and the contract can extend to 2 years! Woo!

Had another friend from Nintardo past come over today to enjoy bacon burgers, and to introduce him to the awesome zombie movie Fido.

Now I'm sittin' around, contemplating going to bed, and came up with a little answering machine message while messing with a voice synthesizer and my new toy, Melodyne. I just gotta find a place online to host it so I can share it with all of you.

But that's for another day.... zzzzzz......
zanthess: (Default)
I've been so engrossed in my robot, that I haven't really talked about myself here lately.

So here goes:

Had to stop skating for a while. Hub still doesn't have a job, so we're still coasting on savings. I have found a group that does training for the roller derby, and they meet at the same rink I skate at! I'm excited to get started once I get a job and can justify the $10 per session.

We have been having friends over lately, and it's been a lot of fun. Jake got us Rockband 2 last Sunday when the special edition came out, and we have also been playing Fable 2 nonstop. Well, he plays Fable 2 and I... well I said I wasn't going to talk about it today.

Went out to dinner last night with my parents to FINALLY celebrate our birthdays. During the day, Jake rode the bus to Redmond to have lunch with a few friends while I was in class, and I met him up in Seattle. We then went to the aquarium, which was AWESOME!

They have a whole exhibit with my most favoritest fish of all time. The box fish. I call it a cow fish, because of the horns on its head, or the minivan fish, on account of the way it moves.

I took a vid. I wanted to say VRRROOOOMMMM! every time he swam by.


We then walked around the piers for a while and meandered through Pike Place Market. So all in all, a good Friday was had.

We're also planning our trip to Utah for Thanksgiving. The hubs fam is getting together in St. George, so we're flying to vegas, then taking a shuttle over. I'm excited to see everyone again, and my mother in law has requested I bring my skates.

Oh man, I just remembered that's the last week of finals. The end of school is getting so close! I've finished my exit interview with Career Services already, ordered my cap/gown, and even got some announcements. I can't believe they do a ceremony even for Associates degrees.

Not much else going on other than that. Just enjoying the time with my husband, pushing forward, and working hard to keep an upbeat attitude.

Oh, and tomorrow night I'm making spaghetti with meaty meat sauce. We haven't had that in a few weeks. Should be scrumptious.

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zanthess

February 2011

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